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STD Season Is Upon Us

Avah M., Staffer

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Knees sweaty, arms spaghetti– it must be testing season. It’s the time of year when the halls of Lake Mary are plagued with excess stress, the media center is never open for your needs, and STD (Standardized Testing Disorder) spreads like a wildfire. Extremely contagious, anyone within twenty feet of a high school during testing season is likely to contract some form of the illness. STD exists in three major strands: mild, moderate, and severe. Some people only experience one strand, while others transition through all three. “I hate when I get STD. It’s so stressful,” says sophomore Emma Stack.

Each strand of the disease has a set of specific symptoms. However, variations of each strand also exist, so it may be difficult to pinpoint what exact one you have. Those who contract mild STD will experience little, if any, indications of the disease. Some symptoms include: periodic complaints of standardized testing, headaches from the current education system, or sleep deprivation the night before the big exam. Experts say mild STD is completely normal and you should not seek medical attention unless your symptoms are truly worrisome. Contractees of moderate STD will have more noticeable symptoms such as: periodic bursts of anger caused by stress, lack of patience for their peers, and excessive talk  of dropping out of school. The most noticeable strand of STD, severe STD, is becoming increasingly common among the high school demographic. Symptoms include: frequent crying spells, withdrawal from everything but exam preparation, and constant plotting of post-exam arrangements in case they flunk and deem themselves a failure.

Chances are you’ve experienced a strand of STD in your lifetime or you will soon. Often, the disease clears up on its own and it’s nothing to worry about. However, if you are experiencing distressing symptoms you should seek medical attention, such as paying a therapist to listen to your personal issues. If your case is less troublesome but you’d still like to alleviate some symptoms, experts recommend picking up a new hobby such as meditation or a new sport. “Food really helps,” says sophomore Keira Wilson. “Especially donuts.”

Since anyone can contract STD (students, teachers, even parents), the peak of STD season has been linked to increased mental breakdowns and tension. However, if High School Musical has taught us anything, it’s that we’re all in STD season together and some Kenny Ortega choreography will make everything more bearable.

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1 Comment

One Response to “STD Season Is Upon Us”

  1. Graham Soxton on September 14th, 2016 9:47 am

    This is a GREAT article.

    [Reply]

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STD Season Is Upon Us