Get Your Man with My Guac


I have learned the secret of attracting your soul-mate boyfriend of your dreams.  With this secret, all doors will become open to you.  It’s my guac recipe.

First step, you’ll need the following:  2 avocados, a packet of cilantro, a lime, jalapeños (to make it spicy, unlike your love life), onions, salt (like your personality), pepper, tomatoes and Adobo.  To know you have good avocados, squeeze it a little. If it’s too soft, then it is bad like a guy who is too soft.  If it is too hard, same analogy. You need a mixture of both; softness and a bit of firmness. After that, you want to cut the 2 avocados yourself, because you’re single.  Master tip:  ask the guy that you like to help and have him cut the avocados for you. He will feel useful and manly, and you can start training him to do work for you.

Next you want to dice the cilantro to show off your chopping skills – make sure the man sees this too, so he’ll know what will happen if he breaks up with you. Make sure you don’t embarrass yourself. After that, dramatically cut the stem off the jalapeño in front of him and then cut an onion. Cut out the onion core as if it were his heart if he ever leaves you.   Lastly, all you need to do is add lime and season. Make sure you add a good amount because you want flavor and for him to compliment your guacamole. Add extra jalapeno and this will temporarily daze him, so you can secretly grab his phone and enter in your contact info; make sure to delete all the other girls.

It’s also important it looks good for your soulmate, so make sure you serve it with non-stale chips; you can even use the lime chips to give it a more flavorful taste.