It was declared by President Trump, from his leather recliner in Mar-a-lago, that the United States have officially declared war on everyone else. Offering some comfort for the already egotistical nation, Trump explained, “The world is a very dangerous place. It’s our job to stop bad things from happening everywhere and make them as safe and amazing as we are.” He has been quick to back his aggressive approach by bombing the sh*t out of everyone. Using the ‘mother of all bombs’ recently, he obliterated an ISIS region, decimating and destroying all regions that seemed to be inhabited by terrorists. The president announced that he is pretty sure a lot of bad guys were killed, allowing us all to rest assured that the war on terrorism has been rekindled in a valiant, professional, and efficient matter.

As for World War 3, Trump was confident in his ability to give Americans an opportunity to join the cause: another draft! “Everybody’s dying to go to war… not dying- no! I didn’t mean it like that. Everybody wants to go to war to fight for this great nation.” When asked about going to war, Lake Mary High School Senior (and recent draftee) Kian Rouhi said, “In no way do I have any desire to fight for the man that has spoken out against my people. He really sucks and this is messed up.” This total war effort, that has spread throughout the nation, shows how prideful and trusting Americans are in their great leader.

Trump, an honest man of his word, originally said he wanted nothing to do with warfare in the Middle East during his campaign, but then he saw a picture of a child and felt it was ungodly to not bomb everything in the area. So, today, he is seated comfortably in his recliner, in the safety of his Mar-a-Lago home, describing how he, too, went through the drafting process. “I really wanted to fight for my country, but, unfortunately, I was physically unable to.” When asked, his doctor informed us, “Was Donald’s foot actually injured? Well I’m not at the liberty to answer that question, but it wouldn’t be no though if that helps.” Donald’s immaculate recovery days after he was exempted from the draft was shown in his impressive athletic performances on the baseball field, tennis court, and golf course, proving how he has continuously had to overcome adversity throughout his life
As for young adults today, many are optimistic about the chance of being drafted. Recently approved laws have declared that men and women will each have equal chances. Along with equal opportunities for the rich and the poor, the new draft system perfectly exemplifies the fair shot at a promising future. It seems that Trump actually gave us what he promised. Through its egotistical approach towards global stabilization, America is truly great again!