Horoscope: Thanksgiving Edition

Avah M., Editor-In-Chief

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Before you get into the Christmas spirit, it’s important to acknowledge the most overlooked holiday of the year: Thanksgiving. In honor of this family, food, and football-filled holiday, look to the stars and see what traditional Thanksgiving dish your sign embodies.

Aries (March 21-April 20): Glazed Carrots

These aren’t your average carrots: they’re doused in honey like your sweet personality. Being one of the healthier dishes comes with a sense of responsibility though- you’re practical, which is why you’re people’s go-to. But when people leave you too long to boil, you become a pile disappointing mush.

Taurus (April 21-May 21): Mashed Potatoes

You’re like mashed potatoes on Thanksgiving: without you, life is incomplete. You’re so dependable that people feel inclined to keep using you until there’s literally nothing left. Being such a hot dish can be exhausting, but lets face it- you love the attention.

Gemini (May 22-June 21): Pecan Pie

You have a sweet façade, but at the end of the day, you’re as vicious as a pecan pie consumed by someone with an unknown nut allergy. You thrive on being the center of attention; in fact, your life-goal is to end all other pies. Petition to have pecan pie as the official pie of the holidays, right?

Cancer (June 22-July 22): Gravy

Although you’re technically not a dish (not that you’re one to care for rules), no Thanksgiving is complete without gravy. You’ve definitely got some dirty secrets: where you made from a packet or turkey gizzards? Your questionable past doesn’t matter though, you’re all about enjoying the present.

Leo (July 23-August 21): Sweet Potato Casserole

People have mixed opinions about you, like sweet potato casserole. Sure, you’re appealing on the outside- who doesn’t like marshmallows? But once you get to the inside, it’s like someone threw up glazed carrots and sucked all the glaze out.

Virgo (August 22-September 23): Cranberry Sauce

Everyone forgets about you until that one moment you become relevant again, like cranberry sauce on Thanksgiving. That’s just your personality though- lay low until it’s your time to shine. It’s a practical method: everyone loves a good comeback. Of course, you still keep things modest because no one likes arrogance.

Libra (September 24-October 23): Biscuits

You are the diplomatic dish: biscuits. No one can complain about bread (unless they have a gluten allergy)- it’s the international symbol of unity in the realm of food. You bring entire meals together just as well as you do people. If the turkey is the star of Thanksgiving, then biscuits are the underdog of the holiday.

Scorpio (October 24-November 22): Green Bean Casserole

Like green bean casserole on Thanksgiving, no matter how many people reject your presence, you always end up showing up. The worst part is how you force people to acknowledge your presence, like the casserole’s onion topping. If people really got to know you though, they’d learn that you’re as soft as the green beans.

Sagittarius (November 23-December 22): Pumpkin Pie

You’re a classic people pleaser. Like pumpkin pie, you’re charming- no one can refuse you on Thanksgiving. You always want more, but you’ll never be the turkey so just enjoy your place as the superior dessert. If it boosts your confidence, you’re usually the one with the last word (or bite).

Capricorn (December 23-January 20): Turkey

The stakes are high when you’re always the center of attention, like a turkey on Thanksgiving. If you get messed up, everything is bound to go downhill from there. This intense responsibility can be overwhelming, but your disciplined personality allows you to thrive- until you encounter failure.

Aquarius (January 21-February 19): Cornbread

Although you’re not everyone’s first-choice dish, you’re still a family favorite. Like cornbread, people love you because you aren’t problematic. Corn and bread? Carb lovers rejoice over this combination. However, you can come off as dry once you adopt your one-track mindset.

Pisces (February 20-March 20): Stuffing

Like stuffing, most people don’t know what you’re truly made of but it’s ok because people still love you. You’re a Thanksgiving staple, so people notice your absence. This can be annoying though- especially when you’re trying to get out of something you don’t want to do.

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